LegalMama

Happy summer

Just a quickie.  The girls started "camp" this week, which is really just a more summery version of nursery school, with more outside time, less structure.  They've never been to school before.  They have an awkward birthday for that.  December 30.  I know lots of people start their kids to school at 2, but I think 3 is soon enough, so last September they were only 2.5, and I felt it was a bit soon.  So yesterday was almost like their first day of school.

They loved it so much.  They were a bit nervous on their way to school. I told them they would meet new friends, and have lots of fun.  Clare told me that she was happy with her old friends, Molly and Emma, and didn't need new friends.  Fiona chastised her and said "Clare, we have friends at school, we just don't know their names yet."  They both clung to  my legs a bit when we first arrived, but as soon as I showed them around the classroom they were off and running.  They found the play kitchen, and the dress-up boxes, and Clare started setting the table with plastic plates, and Fiona started trying on dresses.  Clare looked up at me and waved, and said "bye, mommy!" 

On Conor's first day of pre-school, I got all teary, and Colin and I both brought him and took pictures.  There was no such fanfare for the girls.  Partly because it is "camp," and not officially "school."  And partly because they are not the first child, so they get gypped.  And partly because I am just so damn busy, I was ready to run out the door to go to work.  In keeping with my negligent, overworked working mom persona I of course thought they were only there until 11:30, and didn't bring lunch.  We also signed them up so late that we never got any kind of information packet in the mail, so I didn't know that they were supposed to be wearing their bathing suit under their clothes.  So of course, my au pair had to run back to the school with lunch and a bathing suit.  But it wouldn't be me if it didn't get all screwed up.

This morning, they came bounding into my room at 8, dressed and ready to go to camp.  They were manic they were so excited to go back.  I told them they had to wait until 9:30 when camp started, but they could barely contain their excitement.  One of the teachers told me today that she couldn't believe they'd never been to school before, they just fit right in, never cried, had a great time.  Fiona made a big point of telling me how some of the kids cried, with great disdain.  The teacher also told me that Fiona went on and on to her about her glasses, and Dr. Steel (the love of her life) and her eyes, and how she has to take care of her glasses, etc.  The teacher said that it was as if they'd known each other all their lives.  Last summer, Fiona cried and refused to participate in a drop-off dance class, and was very shy.  I'm glad we waited the extra year. 

They are growing up so darn fast.  It is just flying by. 

Hey, it is just a test

I have been getting a lot of hits on my blog from bar takers.  It is getting to be that time of year.  And based on the searches that have led some bar takers here, I would say people are starting to get nervous.  I remember when I was preparing for the bar, and I would do those late night searches for "failing the bar exam," or "percentage passed Micromash" and I would be led to blogs where people recounted the hundreds and hudreds of hours they had studied, and I would feel totally inadequate, and panic. 

Following one of the searches that led to my blog, I came across another blog where the person said they had studied for 630 hours.  Wow, that is a lot of studying.  I kept track of my hours for work, because the hours I "billed" to studying for the bar counted as "investment time" (which means counted not at all, really, but that is the subject of yet another imaginary post).  I billed about 200 hours to studying for the bar exam, including the days of the actual exam.  I think that is a lot.  I worked very hard.  But it is still only 1/3 of what that other guy did.  And I passed by a quite comfortable 23 points.  1 point, 23 points, they're both passing.  And I'd rather have had the extra 400 hours.  Some people need to study more, some need less, but I actually think if you study TOO hard you can undermine yourself, cause yourself too much stress and anxiety.  The test is a mental endurance test as much as anything, so you've got to keep at least a little fresh. 

So if you are freaking out about the bar exam, you are probably studying plenty, and you have LOTS of time left.  And keep it in perspective.  It is a test.  It is only a test.  It is not a measure of your worth, or your intelligence, or your abilities as a lawyer.  So relax a little.  Don't freak out.  Don't panic.  Just keep plowing ahead, you'll make it.  Don't focus on what you still have left to do, just keep moving forward at a steady pace.  As Dorry said in Finding Nemo "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."   

Just checking in

I keep wanting to add a new post, but I just never have time.   

My life is just work, work, work.  I've got to find a better way.

We did go to Las Vegas two weekends ago, our first weekend away as a couple without the kids since my son -- who is almost 6 -- was born.  It started out disastrously, with our flight delayed because of work (DH's not mine for a change) thus ruining our whole first evening, but ended up being fun, except for my broken toe, which still hurts.  I have started a separate post on that weekend, but never got a chance to finish it.  Maybe I'll get to it some day.

My son finished kindergarten this week.  Last week he had a little end-of-the-year show.  I was in the midst of an enormous crisis at work, and was working in our NYC office that day, but I managed to run back to NJ long enough to see his show.  I told the person running the case I am working on, who was absolutely freaking out about something that had been screwed up and that we were trying to fix, that despite the craziness, I was leaving for a few hours.  I said that, on my death bed, I would never regret not reviewing a few more documents, but I would regret not seeing my son's kindergarten graduation show for which he'd been rehearsing for weeks, so I was going, and I'd be back and stay all night if I had to.  To this guy's credit, despite his hysteria at the situation, he agreed I should go.  My husband was also in the middle of a crisis at work, and as we were sitting on the train to NJ in the middle of the day, we both wondered if we were idiots for doing this.  But when my son's class walked on to the stage, my son scanned the room nervously, looking for us, and he relaxed and smiled when he saw us there.  It was worth sleeping on someone's office couch that night to be there that afternoon. 

On Monday, the girls had a little ballet "recital" if you can call it that.  Basically, parents were invited to attend their last class, which was a demonstration for us, and then they did a 3 minute dance at the end.  Then there were cookies and juice.  We were told that they should wear pink leotards and tights, and a pink skirt if possible.  So I went out and got them the most adorable outfits.  None of the other little girls were even wearing pink.  It was the funniest thing.  Not one girl in the entire class did a single step in synch with any other little girl.  Not one, not once.  Fiona tried, but she was always a few steps behind the teacher.  They were so sweet, and looked beautiful.  But there was not a lot of dancing going on.  Again, it was so stressful to get there with all that is going on at work, but I'm glad I did it. 

I have to find a new job.  I don't know exactly how, but I can't go on like this.  I'm exhausted, and frustrated, and sad.