This post is really about selecting our next au pair, but I have to start it off with a description of how ridiculously cute my girls are. I had to take Fiona to her eye surgeon in the big city today. She used to have crossed eyes, and had surgery to correct it in September. This was her follow-up appointment. Whenever we talk about her doctor, she tells me that she "loves him." Believe me, there's a lot to love. I told her yesterday that when she grows up, she should meet a man like Dr. S., love him, and marry him and make her mother happy. He is incredibly successful, and really warm and nice, loves kids, and is not bad-looking. He has the fanciest doctor's office I've ever seen, super high-tech, great toys for the kids, beautiful artwork, nice staff. He is dreamy.
And he changed my daughter's life. She was always shy and fearful. Her sister was definitely the dominant twin, and Fiona took a back seat. No one ever really noticed her at all, she was always in the shadows. Our local doctor had us patching and doing eye drops, etc., to try and correct her strabismus, none of which was working. Dr. S proposed immediate surgery, which we agreed to, although it was a little scary. The surgery was a success, and Fiona's entire personality has changed since her eyes are correctly aligned. I never attributed her personality to her eyesight, it never even occurred to me that one had to do with the other. But she is so much more outgoing and confident now; she runs and jumps and climbs where before she would have been very cautious and afraid. The transformation has been stunning. Well, duh? Try crossing your eyes and imagine going through your life like that. So I love him too.
When she saw the doctor today, she was shy with him, and when he showed her pictures on a screen to test her vision, she literally whispered: "birthday cake," "ducky," "hand," "house." He put some drops in her eyes to dilate her pupils, and we went out to lunch while they took effect. Over lunch, she said "I didn't tell Dr. S. I love him." I told her she would have another chance. I never in a million years thought she would actually do it, but when we got to the end of the appointment, I asked her if there was something she wanted to tell him. She nodded, and he leaned in to her and she looked right in his eyes, and said in a quiet voice "I love you." He was not expecting that at all. He actually turned red, and he said "I can't believe it, but I'm blushing." It was the sweetest thing, and I was so proud of her for telling him, because I knew if she hadn't, she would have felt sad. My sweet, loving little girl.
Okay, now my happy news. I've been going through the grueling process of selecting an au pair, again. I really like participating in the au pair program. So much more than I ever thought I would. But I HATE the selection process.
First, there was the girl from Mexico, who spent her entire interview with my husband with a detailed list of questions: can I drive the car? will I have a curfew? what days do I get off? will I have to cook or clean at all? do I have to pay for gas or internet access? She clearly was interviewing us and not the other way around. My husband found it very annoying, but I reasoned that it was actually pretty smart. Lay the cards right out on the table. We had one au pair who was quite lovely, and we were very excited about, but didn't work out at all, because our expectations were so vastly different. So I gave her points for that. Then she sent a follow-up email with 21 questions, many of which had already been answered at least twice. Her last question was a catch-all "please describe exactly what my duties will be from the morning until the night every day." I decided to plow through her questions, and actually answer them, because we were coming up on our deadline, and she was the best prospect so far. After I answered all of her very detailed questions I called her. She had even more questions. And before I could ask her any questions about her, she asked when she would have to give us her answer. That was pretty much the last straw. I told her we hadn't offered her the job yet, and it was important for me to know something about the person who would be taking care of my children before I made such an important decision, so could I please ask her a few questions. Then she spoke with my current au pair, who speaks Spanish, and asked her questions for about an hour, until she finally said she would "consider" coming to live with us. We did not make a match.
We spoke with one au pair candidate who seemed great on paper. My husband spoke with her first, and said her English was excellent, which is always good news. She seemed lovely, very bright and well-educated. She is a speech therapist, and has a degree in audiology. But her biggest concern was that we expected her to prepare some meals for the kids. I explained to her that we don't expect a gourmet chef, and that we try to buy foods that are very simple to prepare. No real cooking skills are required. We're talking chicken nuggets in the microwave people. I also told her that I'm a lousy cook, and don't expect much from her at all in that department. She explained that this was really a problem for her, because she had never learned to cook at all, because her housekeeper does all of the cleaning and cooking in her house so no one in her family knows how to cook. I got the distinct impression that she also wouldn't have the foggiest how to make a bed or do her own laundry. She explained that in her country, many people have full-time housekeepers, and that her family had always had someone who did all of that work for her. I explained to her that in the United States only very wealthy people have full time housekeepers and cooks, and that certainly any family looking for an au pair would not have someone who did all the cooking and cleaning. She seemed quite surprised by this. I told her that she would almost certainly have to do at least a little cooking for any children she was caring for, and probably also for herself. She didn't seem too happy about this. I think she was imagining that being an au pair would be like being Anna in Anna and the King. She would swirl around the house in fancy ball gowns, instructing the children in deportment, and grammar while the servants served tea. Or something like that. No match there.
Then there was the Venezuelan girl, who had a very nice essay, and an interesting background. My husband spoke with her first, and he said her English was very rough, but maybe she'd be okay. Then my current au pair spoke to her (in Spanish). She loved her, thought she was great, and told us the girl was really interested in making a match with us. I wondered why she was so eager. We have three kids after all, not the easiest job. Then I called her. The woman speaks English like I speak French. I can say hello and goodbye and I can count to 50. I may be able to order in a restaurant, and ask someone to please open the door, or close the window, or tell them that Alain is in the pool. But I certainly could not have a conversation about meals or play dates or school or homework or any of the things that I would need to talk to an au pair about as part of our daily routine. This woman struggled so hard to speak with me, and I tried so hard to make myself understood, but we could not communicate. I would ask a question, she would say "repeat please," I would ask it more slowly, with simpler words, she would try to answer, but I couldn't understand a word she said, so I'd ask her to repeat what she's said, and then she would say "repeat please" and I would say "would you repeat what you said?" and on and on like that. It was painful. I asked her when she started studying English, and she said six months ago, once a week. Normally, I would end the conversation very quickly, but because my husband and au pair had already spoken with her, I tried my best to give her a chance to warm up, but it was a disaster.
If an au pair candidate is reasonably proficient in English, even if her English is rough, I will at least consider her, because their English (usually) improves very rapidly once they are here. But they have to have at least a basic knowledge to improve from. This girl didn't. I felt very bad for her, because I don't think any family will choose her until her English improves dramatically. And I could not believe my husband even considered her. Men!
Then we found Rebbecca. She is from Brazil. I am deeply in love with her. Please don't disappoint me Rebbecca. My heart will break if you are not all you say you are. She was smart, incredibly well-spoken, with really great English. We could actually have a nuanced conversation and she had a lot of interesting things to say. She seemed to genuinely love children, and to have a lot of real experience. She has much much younger siblings, so has spent her life taking care of kids. She currently is working with special needs kids, and despite her degree in journalism, wants to be a teacher. And I believed her, and didn't think she was just saying what she thought I might want to hear. I just really liked her. And she liked us! She has spoken with lots of families, but she likes us! She said she fell in love with the pictures of our kids, and I didn't think she was full of shit! She gave reasons for wanting to be an au pair that didn't sound like they came off the au pair brochure. She was selling herself to ME! It was either the world's greatest snow job, or the beginning of a love affair.
It is really tough to make the decision to have someone leave their family, and travel thousands of miles to live with your family, and take care of your kids, on the basis of one or two 20-minute phone conversations. We've had pretty good luck so far. I hope the trend continues. It is a giant leap of faith. But I'm extremely happy with how it has gone so far. Yay!
And Stephanie Edwards is going home. I felt sorry for her when she cried at the end, but the girl is 19, she has a lot of living ahead of her, and what a fantastic opportunity and exposure. She'll be just fine. I thought it would either be her or Phil Stacey. I would have picked Phil over her to go home, but I won't miss her.