As I was driving home tonight very late -- partly because I'm swamped, partly because I'm inefficient, partly because I "worked" in a conference room while American Idol was on "in the background" and partly because my husband is going out of the country for TWO WEEKS next week and I'm trying to get ahead -- I allowed myself to indulge in a little fantasy about the funny way I would tell people I passed the bar exam if I in fact managed to pass. And then I berated myself for allowing myself to think that I could possibly have passed. Then I told myself that the words on the paper are not going to change because I imagined passing, and I either passed or I didn't, and a little fantasy won't change that result, so I should just shut up and leave myself alone. I actually had this ridiculous conversation with myself in my head.
Then I got home and checked the mail, and there was a letter from the attorney assigned to do my character and fitness evaluation, telling me all the things that are missing from my application and that I must submit them immediately or I will not be considered for admission to the bar. But of course I've already sent in everything he said was missing. So somehow they have lost part of my file. And it was all stuff that was a royal pain in the ass to get. Now, a normal, organized person would know exactly where to find the copy of the letter I sent enclosing those materials, and be able to immediately forward a copy to this guy, with attachments, but all I know is that I think it is buried somewhere in the pile of crap covering my desk, but it could be somewhere else, like in a briefcase or something. I mean sure, it would make sense to have a file marked "bar application" and, you know, file it. But that would be extremely organized and totally unlike me, so instead I will panic all night that I didn't keep a copy of my letter, and will frantically rip through my desk looking for it tomorrow, and it is already keeping me awake tonight, which is totally stupid, because one way or anopther, it will all get worked out. But you can see why I want a new me.
And I think this is all a very bad omen.
On a far more interesting note, I watched American Idol tonight. I have never watched American Idol until this season. But now I'm hooked. Melinda Doolittle is going to win, and she should, but man, could she pick more boring songs? Yeah, yeah, the song she sang tonight is okay, but it was British Invasion week. Does a song from the soundtrack of Oliver really count? So many great songs she could have sung and she picked that one. She was great of course, but not fun, although I thought she looked awesome. Lakisha is a great great singer, but what the hell was that??? I just don't see what niche she will really fit in, so as much as I like her, she is not my first pick. Blake, weird, but growing on me. Haylie much better tonight, I actually liked her. Gina -- um, dawg, she is so pitchy. Chris Sligh -- get over yourself. Don't like him. The bald guy. Uh, no, go home. Stephanie is beautiful and has a great voice, but she just can't get it right. Too late. Jordin rocks and is way up there for me but she is unnaturally tall and it freaks me out when she stands next to Ryan and he looks like a toddler. Chris R. He's okay, but creepy to me. And Sanjaya -- he was not the worst tonight, in my opinion, or not so obviously the worst. Does that mean these "vote for the worst" assholes might vote for someone else? Because it is just too painful to watch him and I want him to go away. And what the hell was with the little cyring girl, and where the hell was her mother?
Last, but not least, I am a little obsessed with Simon Cowell. He is like the guy you really want to sleep with, and then hate yourself for doing it. As an aside, I had a guy like that in my life. We had an affair, and one night, when it should have been over, there he was in my bed (for the last time; I met my husband like a week later.) After we'd done it, I said "God, I hate myself." I thought I'd said it in my head, but I guess I said it out loud and he heard me. It made him feel pretty bad, and I was sort of glad.
OMG. That last bit? About saying out-loud what you thought was in your own personal thought-bubble? That just made me fall out of my chair. Please warn a girl before you type something like that, m'kay?
As for Idol, I was a committed Idol-holic before this year. This year's line-up? Meh. If they're available on DVD, you should rent Season 2 and Season 3 - now THAT is some awesome TV.
Posted by: Adrienne | March 21, 2007 at 12:32 AM
Find your bar app pieces and details and forgive yourself, and enjoy Idol. Okay?
Posted by: Aurelia | March 21, 2007 at 03:09 PM